How To Neutralize Catastrophic Thoughts

If we acknowledge that catastrophic thinking has more disadvantages compared to whatever utility it might have (in terms of allowing us to prepare for potentially unpleasant events should they occur in the future), then it behooves us to find ways to interrupt the catastrophic thought process.

If we have had a series of bad experiences which have generated catastrophic thoughts such as, “I’m never going to find a compatible mate,” “I’m always going to be broke,” etc., we ask ourselves, “What is the evidence or data that the catastrophic thought is guaranteed to happen some day?”

And we accept the answer: There is none. The bad experiences that we’ve had in the past are proof that we’ve had bad experiences in the past. They do not speak to the future. They are not proof that we are going to have bad experiences in the future as well. Just because things haven’t turned out the way we wanted in the past doesn’t mean they never will.

It’s true that if we do nothing different, then it is likely that we will repeat past mistakes and it will look like we’re on a permanent losing streak. But we’re not on a losing streak. That’s not what’s happening.

What’s happening is we’re creating a self-fulfilling prophecy by not paying attention and not making course corrections when we’re heading down the same dead-end path we’ve been down time and time again.

If we want different results, we recognize our poor choices we’ve made in the past and our other self-sabotaging behaviors, and we make a commitment to make better choices and be more vigilant regarding our self-destructive impulses in the future.

Once we’ve done this, we can eliminate negative, pessimistic, catastrophic thoughts literally at their inception by reminding ourselves that, because we’re doing things differently, all bets are off, catastrophic outcomes are not, by any means, a guarantee, and, in fact, any outcome is possible. The sky’s the limit.

Over time, as we practice these and other positive, cognitive self-talk techniques, we are able to dispel our catastrophic thoughts, free ourselves of the depression, anxiety, demoralization and immobilization that they were generating, and live productive, empowering, exciting lives in the present moment, free of past demons, guilts and shames, free of future fears and worries, and receptive to the success and prosperity that is available to every single one of us.

Don’t Cry Over Unspilled Milk

“Don’t worry, be happy” is, as ever, a valuable piece of advice, especially during these extremely radical and turbulent times. Many of us face financial devastations. We all are witness to explosions of hatred and violence across the globe, fueled by greed and fear. We bear witness to acts of domestic terrorism by our own citizens, home-grown zealots wreaking havoc.

It’s just not that easy, these days, to whistle while we work and row our boat gently down the stream. Nevertheless, these are the very things we need to do. A whole lot of whistling and a whole lot of rowing. Gently.

One way to do this is to stop catastrophic thoughts which feed on our insecurities and magnify our worries, such as:  “I’m going to lose my job.” I’m going to lose my house.” “I’m going to have to declare bankruptcy.” “I’m going to get cancer and I won’t have health insurance.” “I’m going to be stuck in my dead-end job forever.” “I’m going to be homeless.” “I’m never going to be able to retire.” “I’m never going to sell my novel.” “I’m never going to catch a break.” “I’m going to be living with my parents forever.” “I’m never going to be rich.” “I’m never going to be happy.” “I’m always going to sabotage my relationships.” “I’m never going to get married.” “I’m never going to have childen.” “I’m going to die alone.”

These catastrophic thoughts terrorize us. They flood us with fear. And for what? All the time spent terrorizing ourselves with fear doesn’t make us wiser. It doesn’t make things better.

If anything, catastrophic thinking makes things worse. It contributes to depression, anxiety, irritability, reactivity, impulsivity, low energy, low motivation, impaired attention and concentration, a loss of interest in things we normally like to do, and feelings of demoralization, helplessness and hopelessness.

Catastrophic thinking generates stress which dampens our immune system and our resistance such that we are more susceptible to illness with less capacity to recover and heal.

Over time, chronic catastrophic thinking contributes to our making poor choices that affect our health, our happiness, our relationships and our careers.

All of which is to say:  Now is as good a time as any for us to stop catastrophizing. And so we stop dwelling on failure scenarios, regardless of whether they are likely to occur one day or not.

We remember that expression about leaving tomorrow’s anxieties to tomorrow. We tell ourselves that we’ll deal with the catastrophic event in the future, should it happen, that we’re not going to put any energy or angst into it now.  We remind ourselves to focus on what’s in front of us today, to keep our eye on the ball.

And so we choose our thoughts carefully, knowing full well that they create our emotional state of mind, regardless of what is happening in our lives and all around us. We reject catastrophic, fear thoughts. We embrace thoughts of self-love, self-acceptance and self-empowerment.

When we find ourselves running a catastrophic “tape loop” over and over again in our head, we remind ourselves that there’s absolutely no point in crying over milk that hasn’t spilled yet.

With right-minded vigilance, practice and perseverance, we can be free of future fears (as well as past pains) and be in the present moment, in the Eternal Now, free to enjoy what is happening, free to be happy, free to be spontaneous, free to make the most of our world and our lives regardless of the obstacles the universe has thrown at us.

We Forgive Others For Our Own Peace of Mind

Most of us are aware that forgiving others is a compassionate thing to do, but we don’t want to do it because we’ve been hurt and we want to hurt back. We want those who hurt us to suffer for what they did.

By withholding forgiveness we think we are punishing them, we think we are keeping them stuck in a prison of guilt and shame. But the fact is we’re just punishing ourselves in the process.

We’re prolonging our own suffering. We’re withholding from ourselves our own peace of mind. We’re keeping ourselves emotionally tormented. We’re keeping the albatross around our own neck. We are fanning the flame of our own discontentment and emotional suffering.

We’re, essentially, keeping ourselves locked in an emotional prison cell that is now of our own making. We are now victimizing ourselves long after having been victimized by our offenders.

When we forgive others we free ourselves of our anger, our judgments, our grievances, our resentments, and our bitterness, all of which interfere with our present moment joy and inner peace.

When we refuse to forgive others, we relegate ourselves to living in the past and never being in the present moment, in the Eternal Now, where all the good things in life happen.

Consequently, it is always in our own best interests to forgive.

Everyone.  No exceptions.

Forgiveness decreases our anger, our depression, our stress and our anxiety. We sleep better. We relate to others better. Our general attitude is more positive, optimistic, and joyful.

All of this contributes to our physical as well as emotional well-being, and maximizes our potential to attract people, places and circumstances into our lives which will propel us towards our dreams and our goals.

How To Sabotage A Relationship Without Really Trying

It’s best, when engaging in a dialogue or debate with someone we care about, someone we want to have an enduring relationship with, to not raise our voice, not bring up the past, and not call names.

Better to just make our case, to explain why we disagree and disapprove, and, if it falls on deaf ears, to leave it at that, because once the name calling starts, the communication, if there actually was any, ends.

The person being attacked by the name calling usually gets angry and defensive, and the name calling then becomes the focus of the argument, rather than the real issues.

Consequently, we have now generated a new resentment in our significant other towards us, which is likely to be expressed in future disagreements, more anger and defensiveness, and more passive-aggressive behaviors as well, all of which are not helpful if our goal is to repair the relationship, improve communication, reinforce trust, and generate both empathy and intimacy.

When we call our partner hurtful names, it doesn’t resolve the problem, it doesn’t make them listen to us better, and it doesn’t make them respect us more. Name-calling may temporarily manipulate a significant other into doing something that they were unwilling to do beforehand, but in the long run, the resentment factor will poison and erode the relationship.

Additionally, it is best to avoid saying hurtful and unloving things to those we claim to love, regardless of how inconsiderate and unloving they may have behaved towards us, because name-calling actually demeans ourselves in the process.

When we attack others, even with words, even if we feel justified, there is a part of us that dislikes ourselves for doing so, because attacking anybody is unloving behavior. Even if it feels righteous, it diminishes us.

If our world is going to heal, if our relationships are going to repair themselves, if our personal joy in life is going to improve, each of us needs to remember something significant that has been horribly forgotten or conveniently ignored: “It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.”

It behooves all of us to start playing the game of life with a whole lot more honesty, integrity and fairness, without name-calling and character assassination. That’s the only way for ultimate peace and prosperity in our personal lives and in the world at large.